cultureI’m reading a book that studies native cultures, honors elders and discovers the key to longevity.This excerpt is profound to me because it shows what our entire culture could look like if everyone took our parenting class. We teach discipline with no punishment, no shaming, no scorn, no disrespect.

Look at the results that happen in a culture that does this with every child. It’s beautiful. And amazing. No rape. No domestic abuse. Long life.

Our children model us. If we are kind and loving and respectful, that’s what they will be as adults. If we physically punish them, embarrass them, shame or ridicule them (or even over protect them) we don’t teach them to be fully self expressed. And I believe if each of us was fully self-expressed, we would all be doing “jobs” we loved, and we would serve one another with joy and love. World peace.

This is what it looks like. Read this:

“I have never heard a child cry in protest or a parent raise his voice or threaten spanking. A command is never repeated twice. As a teacher of American youth, I marveled at Abkhasian schoolchildren who…sit at attention for hours. Such miraculous results are not motivated by fear” – Sula Benet, anthropologist and researcher of a native culture of people who live to be extremely healthy and vivacious over the age of 100.

“Abkhasian parents never scold or nag, and they never criticize or punish their children. How, you may wonder, do they get their children to behave properly?”

Benet explains: “Abkhasian parents express disapproval by withholding praise, which is otherwise very generously dispensed. The Abkhasian concept of discipline, considered necessary and good for children, is not intertwined with the concept of punishment. [They] feel that physical punishment induces disrespect… [Their] method of discipline does not allow for the development and expression of even the mildest forms of sadistic impulse… With no threat of punishment… They do not FEEL resentment.

“It’s different, unfortunately, in the US today, a nation in which 565,000 children are killed or seriously injured by their parents or guardians each year.

“Ridicule is never used to teach children. Scorn and rejection are not part of the curriculum… They never physically punish children, adults, or animals. This may help explain why domestic violence is almost entirely unknown in Abkhasia, as is rape” – taken from “Healthy at 100” by John Robbins.

Imagine a community or home environment that had NO RESENTMENT. None of that tension. Envision it in your marriage. It’s possible to redirect unwanted behavior in a loving, supportive, encouraging way. I love the technique shown here. Praise/ acknowledge them non-stop. See them for what they do RIGHT. Can you imagine your inner dialogue if your parents disciplined you with praise and encouragement? And your intimate relationships if all you heard was what you are doing right and what your partner loves about you? You would want to do more!!

Let’s start today. Make a commitment to look only for the good in your close friends and family, and acknowledge it. Operate from the intention that they are doing their best, and trying to make you happy. And then, see it, and point it out.

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