It’s pretty cool when you switch from making lists in your head about what you DON’T like about your partner (incessantly – as if somehow this list would change things) to non-stop thinking about how many AMAZING things your partner is doing (which will actually change things!).
One of my favorite (of a million) things my partner does is he doesn’t question my judgment. If he asks me a question, and I answer straightforwardly (which I have learned to do, believe me it’s a learned response), then he says, “ok baby.”
Or if I want to go somewhere. I check in with him. Ask him what he’s doing (typical woman, check in with man first), and then tell him what I’d like to do. And then he tells me what he wants to do, and if it has nothing to do with me (no negotiating necessary), then I say, “well, this is what I’m going to do.” And he says, “ok baby.”
If he AGREES to do something (can’t just nag and be bossy here – another LEARNED behavior 😉 and I remind him later, he says, “ok baby.”
He trusts me. He trusts me to lead him. He trusts me to guide him. He trusts that I am doing what is in the best interest of our family. He trusts that I am taking good care of myself. He trusts that I consider him first in every decision I make.
And because of this trust, says, “ok baby.”
It’s an amazing ability. One I am learning. I always want to push back and say, “BUT what about…”
I’m learning to trust back. I have been telling myself every day that he loves me, considers me in everything, and in all ways wants to make me happy. Simply coming from this perspective has deepened our relationship and increased our intimacy 10 fold. Adding in acknowledging every time I see him do these things takes it to a level I’ve never known before.
It’s amazing to apply all of the tools that you know about relationships. It really creates amazing relationships!!
I hope someone can relate to all of this and can use these tools. If I wasn’t clear, here are the tools:
Answer straightforwardly. Ask for what you need. (This part takes some work, sometimes our “needs” have always been taken care of for us (over-parenting, otherwise known as smother mother, or helicopter mom) and it’s hard to learn what you actually need, but with coaching, I promise, you can get your power back and know what you want and need).
Trust Your Partner
Trust your partner loves you, considers you in all things, and has got your back. (Easier said than done, I know, but give it a try).
Acknowledge them when they do the amazing things you want them to do or that you like.
PS – these tools work with kids too…
PPS – stop making lists of things you don’t like, what you focus on expands…
PPPS – If you can’t trust your partner, why are you with them??