Do you want to find out how you can be yourself and authentic instead of faked and lying to yourself? I’m reminded of that moment when I “WOKE UP.” Read on and find out more about how you can be yourself and live your life to the fullest.
How You Can Learn to Be Yourself
The person I loved the most in the world and had given my life to, had replaced me. I remember thinking, “how could he choose her over me? Am I not perfect?” Hahaha, I really questioned it… Because I thought I was. I though that was actually a thing.
- I was living a life of deep denial.
- I thought I was happy.
- I controlled everything. I controlled my world. I controlled my emotions. My responses.
- I controlled him. I controlled everyone.
I remember asking my sister what happened.
I Was a Machine Gun …
And she told me this story about how I became a machine gun. I would attack and shoot down anyone before they even had a chance. I would outwit them. Outsmart them. Manipulate them. Faster, quicker than they could.
And I would think I had “won.” But I didn’t WIN any f*(king thing. I lost.
… And Lost Relationships
I lost relationships. I lost myself. I lost trust. I lost honor. I lost my love.
But at the time, he didn’t know it. You see, he didn’t love himself, and he wasn’t willing to let love in. He was punishing himself by being with me. Because I was so critical and harsh and perfect. Good luck living up to those expectations.
Four Blessings That Come With Losing Your Partner
The fall of that relationship was one of the greatest, most profound blessings I could have ever asked for.
- I learned to let go.
- I learned what it means to partner
- I learned how to love myself and take care of myself and be responsible for myself, and most importantly, feel my feelings.
No more numbing out and shooting people down that didn’t live inside my controlled bubble.
#1 Learning to Surrender
I learned to surrender. It took over two years of daily practice, until one day I just said, “THAT’S IT! I CANT DO THIS ANY MORE! I GIVE UP ON LEARNING HOW TO SURRENDER! I GIVE UP!!!”
And of course, in that moment, for the first time, experienced surrender. Hahaha.
You see, I had never given up on anything to be myself. I got straight A’ s and was defined by my perfectionism. I was THE BEST. At everything. I actually owned a shirt I was so very proud of that said across the chest in pink sparkled Capitol letters “OVERACHIEVER.”I was a righteous, superior bitch. Click To Tweet
And when I woke up from that nightmare, I had so much sh!t to clean up it was almost unbearable.
#2 Learning to Not Feeling Shame
I had literally learned to live my life without feeling shame. I was shameless. Unashamed. No boundaries. No filter. I was right. You were wrong. I was righteous. I was a super Christian. I followed that book so perfectly. I was perfect. I would WIN at life! I would achieve! I would do the MOST AND THE BEST!
Thank god he left me.
So I could fall apart.
I Want to See Your Mess Click To Tweet
My partner after him would say, “Don’t wrap yourself up in a pretty little bow. I want to see your mess.”
That’s love. I want to see your mess. I’m not ashamed of you or your mess. Quite frankly, the more messy you get, the more I love you.
I have a coaching client that gets REALLY FU(KING MESSY with me… Like slobbering, vulnerable, shit show shame story messy, crap you never want to tell anyone, and that most people don’t want to hear… And guess what? I love her the most. I know you’re not supposed to have favorites. But I can’t help it. She’s so exposed. So raw. So open. So vulnerable. So willing to be seen. All parts. All aspects.
IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.
Actually, as I’m thinking about it, I have a male client like that too… So willing to come session after session and put EVERYTHING into it. He doesn’t hold himself back. He goes for it again and again. Its the most beautiful thing.
And you know what?
They’re me. Come to think of it.
I wasn’t willing to risk losing the love of my life again, so I learned what to do…
#3 Learning to Live Life in the Moment
But what I learned to do was to live in the moment. Connected to spirit. Surrendered. And what will come will come. And to let it all go. To love so damn deeply it hurts. But to love into FREEDOM.My love is free. He's not caged. And he knows he's free... So he continues to freely come to me. Click To Tweet
- Will it last? No idea
- Can I depend on it? No idea
- Do I trust him? In this moment yes, 100%. If it was any less, I would leave. Because a man knows when his woman trusts him. He can feel it in his bones.
#4 Learning to Trust Your Partner
And there are women who don’t trust their partner but stay anyway because they see the “potential.” Potential is a beautiful thing to see, it’s actually quite powerful. But only looking at potential leaves the other feeling not enough… And that’s not love. That’s criticism and control. I should know. I was the queen of that domain for many years.
Every day since then has been deep inner work. I’ve done multiple personal development workshops. Multiple training workshops for coaches, which of course means I’m non stop coached. I have a weekly coach. I have a therapist. I go to mindfulness meditation groups. I am a level 2 SomatoEmotional release cranio sacral therapist which means I’ve personally done 4, 4-day craniosacral intensives at this point.
What to Do to Be Yourself When the Holidays Suck
I was willing to say it. I was willing to feel it. I was willing to cry about it all morning and get really messy. The holidays sucked that year.
Did I want to FIX it? Yes. I want edit to never happen again. I will do everything I can to create a beautiful Christmas with the people that mean the most to me. And, at some point, for every mother, every parent, especially divorced parents, you have to have holidays without seeing your children wake up to the miracle of Christmas.
For every parent, there will be holidays without them. I just didn’t expect mine to be so soon. What ended up being a miraculous Christmas for one person, meant a crappy experience for another.
#1 Negotiate Happiness
It was tough. I learned in a parenting class many years ago to negotiate with EVERYONE in the family. Because, what’s fair is not always equal. Perhaps I want the box, but you want what’s IN the box!? We can both win. Easy.
But sometimes people won’t negotiate. Sometimes people win and others lose.
I know, because I used to win and others would lose. I hurt them. Maybe this is karma. Who knows. All I know is I get to experience my experience and share it with my loved ones in a way that they can understand me.
Sometimes you can’t fix pain.
#2 Share Your Pain
Learning to BE with myself, in my pain, and share my pain with my love, has been one of the biggest gifts ever.So, if you had a sh*tty holiday, I'm sorry. But, it's ok. It's just contrast. And contrast shows us what we clearly DO want. Click To Tweet
So, I’m going after being myself. With love. Creating. Peacefully. Thoughtfully. Spirit lead. No pushing or pulling or controlling. Gently. Lovingly. Surrendered. Empathetic. And creating a win win win win win.
READ MORE FROM ME
Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance. I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement. I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years. If you liked this article, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:
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