Let’s start a hard conversation. People pleasing. Lying. Hiding. Versus Being Honest. Authentic. Open. There are prices and payoffs to both of these ways of living. Which one is better? I’m not going to judge and say something is right or wrong… But I can tell you, from experience, which one FEELS better to BE and be in RELATIONSHIP with long term.
Being Honest at All Times, What Does It Take?
I’m psychic. I hate to admit it publicly. It freaks people out. But… If you know me, you already know. Because you know in my presence, you can’t actually hide a fucking thing. You might try… But then you JUST KNOW I know you’re lying. I have friends who are GREAT at bullshitting others, lying, hiding, people pleasing… And they literally say things to me like, “DAMN, I can’t lie to you!?”
Is it a gift or a curse? Who knows.
Tonight my son was on the phone and he wanted to show his friend that I had “Tele-pathetic” powers. He told me he texted a word to his friend, and I had to guess it. All I could see, hear and smell were tacos. So I said, “tacos” and he slammed his hand down on the table in disbelief wondering how I do it every time.
Wishing I Could Read People’s Mind
When I was in 4th grade, I remember thinking I wished we could all just read each other’s minds! Then people would have to be honest and true, and not try to be cool by lying or pretending. I had no idea what I was wishing for. Do you know how HARSH 4th graders can be? And adults aren’t much better.
I am a harsh adult. I am painfully, bitterly honest with people. And I do my very best to be authentically me, and open. An open book.
I Don’t Like Talking To You …
This doesn’t always work in relationships. Because some people WANT to hide! I get it.
- There are times I don’t want to be open.
- There are times I want to make choices that are in my best interest, but not others.
- Or maybe in their best interest, but not mine.
- And I don’t want to talk about it. I know it will hurt you. And I don’t want to hurt you.
But… Is that even fair? That’s restricted. Contracted.Is it better to say - I don't like talking to you because when I do, you say mean, hurtful things. Or, is it better to say - I'm busy I cannot talk? Click To Tweet
What if it’s your grandmother? And she’s going to give you a guilt trip? Is it “worth it” to LIE to her… To protect her feelings, and you from her mean words (not that grandma’s are mean, or even guilt inducers but… Go with the example for me).
How Being Open Creates Trust
Is it better to HIDE and PROTECT yourself and someone else… Or is it better to be open?
Open is definitely easier to trust. Easier to be in relationship with.
Closed feels like lying or betrayal to others.
But… I don’t know about you… There are times I want to close! I want to “protect” myself (or others, but this is a story).
Why do I want to protect myself?
- I want to avoid conflict.
- I don’t want to be rejected.
- It really comes down to, I don’t want to die.
What Heather?! You might be thinking…
10 Million Years Ago, We Were Tribal Animals
Yep. Under it all. For 10 million years we were tribal animals. Cavemen. In small groups. 50-500. We depend on each other. If you are “kicked out” of the tribe, you’re dead. Literally.You cannot survive alone in the wilderness. So people pleasing. And lying. And hiding. Keeps you ALIVE. Click To Tweet
Unless you’re Christ and you’re living a perfect, sinless life with no shame, embarrassment, fear, guilt or experiences that you don’t want others to see or know about! (Listen, I’m striving for this since I was 6 years old… But we are HUMANS y’all!)
So what do you say?
What Is Enlightenment?
Is enlightenment being totally clear, honest, open… Even in the face of our shame, secrets, betrayal, or hurting others?
- Do we just directly tell people everything?
- Tell them our pain?
- Tell them our shame? Our secrets? Or wrong-doings?
- Do we just learn to freely admit to others the things that would have us “rejected” or “outcast?”
That’s why we hide and hold secrets.
If “others knew” we would be judged, shamed, rejected, abandoned or outcast. That is just too painful. As painful as death.
So we’d rather hide, even though the hiding is literally shame eating us to death from the inside out…
What to do?
What do you think?
READ MORE FROM ME
Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance. I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement. I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years. If you liked this article, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:
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