Let’s start a hard conversation. People pleasing. Lying. Hiding. Versus Being Honest. Authentic. Open. There are prices and payoffs to both of these ways of living. Which one is better? I’m not going to judge and say something is right or wrong… But I can tell you, from experience, which one FEELS better to BE and be in RELATIONSHIP with long term.
Being Honest at All Times, What Does It Take?
I’m psychic. I hate to admit it publicly. It freaks people out. But… If you know me, you already know. Because you know in my presence, you can’t actually hide a fucking thing. You might try… But then you JUST KNOW I know you’re lying. I have friends who are GREAT at bullshitting others, lying, hiding, people pleasing… And they literally say things to me like, “DAMN, I can’t lie to you!?”
Is it a gift or a curse? Who knows.
Tonight my son was on the phone and he wanted to show his friend that I had “Tele-pathetic” powers. He told me he texted a word to his friend, and I had to guess it. All I could see, hear and smell were tacos. So I said, “tacos” and he slammed his hand down on the table in disbelief wondering how I do it every time.
Wishing I Could Read People’s Mind
When I was in 4th grade, I remember thinking I wished we could all just read each other’s minds! Then people would have to be honest and true, and not try to be cool by lying or pretending. I had no idea what I was wishing for. Do you know how HARSH 4th graders can be? And adults aren’t much better.
I am a harsh adult. I am painfully, bitterly honest with people. And I do my very best to be authentically me, and open. An open book.
I Don’t Like Talking To You …
This doesn’t always work in relationships. Because some people WANT to hide! I get it.
- There are times I don’t want to be open.
- There are times I want to make choices that are in my best interest, but not others.
- Or maybe in their best interest, but not mine.
- And I don’t want to talk about it. I know it will hurt you. And I don’t want to hurt you.
But… Is that even fair? That’s restricted. Contracted.
Is it better to say - I don't like talking to you because when I do, you say mean, hurtful things. Or, is it better to say - I'm busy I cannot talk? Click To TweetWhat if it’s your grandmother? And she’s going to give you a guilt trip? Is it “worth it” to LIE to her… To protect her feelings, and you from her mean words (not that grandma’s are mean, or even guilt inducers but… Go with the example for me).
How Being Open Creates Trust
Is it better to HIDE and PROTECT yourself and someone else… Or is it better to be open?
Open is definitely easier to trust. Easier to be in relationship with.
Closed feels like lying or betrayal to others.
But… I don’t know about you… There are times I want to close! I want to “protect” myself (or others, but this is a story).
Why?
Why do I want to protect myself?
- I want to avoid conflict.
- I don’t want to be rejected.
- It really comes down to, I don’t want to die.
What Heather?! You might be thinking…
10 Million Years Ago, We Were Tribal Animals
Yep. Under it all. For 10 million years we were tribal animals. Cavemen. In small groups. 50-500. We depend on each other. If you are “kicked out” of the tribe, you’re dead. Literally.
You cannot survive alone in the wilderness. So people pleasing. And lying. And hiding. Keeps you ALIVE. Click To TweetUnless you’re Christ and you’re living a perfect, sinless life with no shame, embarrassment, fear, guilt or experiences that you don’t want others to see or know about! (Listen, I’m striving for this since I was 6 years old… But we are HUMANS y’all!)
So what do you say?
What Is Enlightenment?
Is enlightenment being totally clear, honest, open… Even in the face of our shame, secrets, betrayal, or hurting others?
- Do we just directly tell people everything?
- Tell them our pain?
- Tell them our shame? Our secrets? Or wrong-doings?
- Do we just learn to freely admit to others the things that would have us “rejected” or “outcast?”
That’s why we hide and hold secrets.
If “others knew” we would be judged, shamed, rejected, abandoned or outcast. That is just too painful. As painful as death.
So we’d rather hide, even though the hiding is literally shame eating us to death from the inside out…
What to do?
What do you think?
READ MORE FROM ME
Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance. I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement. I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years. If you liked this article, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:
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Heather Hundhausen, a mind/body/spirit healer and facilitator, works with heart centered individuals who are ready to release their physical and emotional pain and reconnect their minds with their bodies so they can start living a life of passion and purpose. She assists people in making decisions in their lives by following their heart, mind, intuition and soul, from a place of being whole and in integrity.
With over fifteen years as a licensed massage therapist, Heather understands the connection between how someone's emotions can show up as physical pain. Using a variety of massage techniques, including neuromuscular therapy and structural realignment, she now does her ground breaking work by helping her clients to reach back through the pain and remember who they are to create wholeness and fullness.
During her years practicing traditional massage therapy, and while an intern working on her Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, she realized that people responded strongly when addressing their feelings and not just their thoughts. Working with this knowledge, she began to create an experiential environment for her clients, having them focus less on what they were thinking and more on what they were feeling. She discovered that when people began to release their emotions, they also released their physical pain. Heather is now passionate about helping people do just this so they hear their inner voice and then act upon their intuition so they create a new physical, mental and emotional life for themselves.
Heather’s authenticity, integrity, honor, commitment to her clients, and ability to create trust ensures that client's have a safe space to experience the exploration and release of their pain. Her clients say she is skilled at spiritual and emotional healing and is a great partner to have on the journey to contentment. As one particular client stated, “She opened my heart so the grief could emerge and then joy was able to fill that space.”
Heather is a popular speaker and workshop leader and facilitator, with one of her most popular workshops, “Connect on Purpose: Interpreting Your Body's Signals for Greater Wisdom and Empowerment” helping guide people to live their purpose, which Heather describes as “being able to take your talents and gifts and put them into action.” She is currently authoring a book and developing additional workshops, including a meditation group.
A licensed massage therapist, specializing in Thai Massage, Neuromuscular Therapy and Myo-skeletal Alignment Technique, she has a Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, is certified in Redirecting Children’s Behavior as a facilitator and coach.
