The Number One Secret to Make Your Holidays a Dream: Boundaries and Letting Go

Are you letting go of believing in magical holidays? Man, the holidays can really suck. I mean, no one wants to admit it.  It’s supposed to be a magical time, filled with pleasures, family, wishes and miracles. But let’s face it; it’s exhausting.

Boundaries Setting and Letting Go 101

Hiding Who You Really Are

Grandma wants you to come over and eat her turkey, sausage stuffing and cranberries made with a cup of sugar, but … you’re a vegan or health conscious, and grandma just doesn’t understand that.

Trying to Please Others

And the shopping … and wrapping.  Who has time for all of that? And, that’s the actual going out and fighting the crowds and spending the money part … but what do we GET them?!  

Will they like it?

Probably not.

It’s so stressful.

Pretending You are Perfect

And the house.  It’s a mess.

But we think it needs to be perfect.

So, we clean and clean and prep and make cookies and all of this BS nobody else actually cares about, except maybe your mother, and of course, if you don’t do it, someone will complain.  

But if you do it, no one will notice, and then you’ll feel bitter and resentment that you did everything and no one cares.

Taking the Magic Away from Christmas

And your husband is like, “let’s not get them toys this year,” or even worse, “let’s tell them You-Know-Who isn’t You-Know-What.”

But what about the miracle of Christmas?

It’s exhausting.

But what if it didn’t have to be?

What if you could actually change all of that, and ACTUALLY HAVE THE CHRISTMAS YOU IMAGINE HAVING?

Who wants to have the BEST holidays EVER?

Here is the REALITY:

YOU CREATE YOUR REALITY

You create your own reality in the sense that, what you focus on, you see.

What mental choices you make determine what your life is like.

There are millions of sensory informational pieces coming into your awareness every day, and you get to choose which ones to pay attention to!

How cool is that?

It doesn’t mean, you’re a magician and say “poof” and the world changes. But, it sure can seem like that when you change your intention and your attention.

Let’s break it down, line by line.

Grandma’s turkey scenario.

#1 Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries

You’ve got it honey, if you’ve been following me for a while now (and if you haven’t, what is stopping you! Make sure to sign up to get the blogs sent to you as emails!

I promise I won’t spam you, I’m here to support your awakening and creating peace in your life!)

Boundaries are to PROTECT YOU!

Not grandma, although, if you are effective in your boundary setting, they can actually protect grandma too, because after all, it is a relationship and a relationship takes TWO. US together.

If you are able to say, “I love you grandma, but I don’t want to be in the room with a dead turkey,” or “I love you grandma, and your cooking is delicious, and I really don’t want to offend you, but I am going to bring a healthy dish I can eat, because I am really watching what I eat.

It’s not about you grandma.

You’re the best. I need to take care of myself,” grandma might be able to hear that.

Maybe?

But at this point, you’re taking care of yourself by speaking your truth in a loving way.

What other people think about you is none of your business. It’s not your job to take care of grandma’s feelings.

I Hate Your Food, Grandma!!!

We don’t just say “FUCK YOU GRANDMA I HATE YOUR FOOD.”

That’s not an appropriate use of boundaries.

That’s a wall. That is contraction. That’s not loving at all.

I’m not saying to be an ass.

Communicating with Love and Tenderness

It’s important to communicate with love and tenderness.  But, it’s also important to speak your truth and not worry about whether or not what you are doing in your life is going to make someone else upset with you

Your life is your own.

You lay down with yourself at the end of the day.

You look in the mirror and see you.

• Do you like what you see?
• Did you treat others respectfully and kindly?
• The way you want to be treated? (If not, please make amends ASAP.  They are one of the most important parts of relationships!)

But don’t give up your needs to make someone else happy.  Do your best to win-win negotiate so everyone wins.

#2 No Expectations

Expectations are premeditated resentments.

I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again.

When you expect something, and you’re attached to it, be prepared to be let down.

We are creating our own reality here folks.

Your expectations are part of your wants and desires.

And, if you’ve read about mindfulness and happiness, then you know that those darn wants and desires are the source of all suffering and unhappiness!

So, what do we do with these expectations?

Throw them out the window is my advice.

How?

That’s a more challenging question to answer.  It takes time, perseverance and practicing new habits and ways of being.  But the idea is to LET GO. (Another theme in my coaching and writing which you are probably starting to pick up on!)

Let GO of your expectations.

Be childlike.

[bctt tweet=”What if you had never seen a holiday before?  Wouldn’t all of this be AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL!?”

If you didn’t have ANY expectations of the holiday, of the presents, of the wrapping, or the tree, the decorations, the ribbons, the cookies… none of it…

and then you had it all presented to you, you would say, “WOW! This is AMAZING!”

#3 Be Open to Receive

But because you EXPECT all of that, or you’ve taught others to expect all of that, when it doesn’t happen, it is NOT amazing, it’s, quite frankly (mostly in your eyes only) terrible and a failure.

• What if you could do your holiday from the spirit of your own inner child?  
• What if you could see the childlike wonder?
• What if you’d never tasted eggnog before?  
• What if you LOVED chocolate chip cookies, and threw out grandmas spritzes that are so impossible to make, and just made a batch of good old, already prepared, throw them in the oven, tollhouse chocolate chip cookies and that was simply enough for you (and Santa)?
• What if you don’t want to put up all those stupid lights, but you really do enjoy getting the Christmas tree?
• What if you’re so tired of all that annoying music, but instead you listened to the nutcracker suite?

What if

What if

What if

It was all new.

It was all childlike.

It was all fun

And enjoyable?

What if

It was actually the spirit of Christmas (or whichever holiday you celebrate)?

What if we just got reconnected to the love?

The joy?

The blessings?

The giving?

The heartfelt love and desire to show that to those who matter most to us?

So, when we look at the shopping and wrapping, we get to combine the first 2 steps:

boundaries, and letting go.  

And we get to look from the eyes of a child.  We get to have our budget. We get to have our peace, serenity, time to ourselves.

If the holidays are making you crazy, just TAKE A MOMENT to yourself.

Center yourself.

Find the peace inside yourself.

It may take a moment, it may take an hour, it may take several days.

But do whatever you need to do, to get back to love.

You may feel drained.  Like there is too much.  It’s overwhelming, and no longer fun.  If you get to that place, that’s YOU! That’s between YOU AND YOU!  No one else. And no one else can make that better for you, only you.

So, ask yourself, “What do I need to set boundaries and let go?”

Are you tired? Do you need a nap?  Do you need a list? Do you need to throw away the list?  Do you need to cross things off the list that don’t really need to be finished?

Check in with yourself.  

What is important to YOU?

What will make you lie down at the end of every day in December feeling GOOD about yourself and what you have done?

#1 Create Your Vision

Create a vision for yourself of what you want December and the holidays to look like for you?

• Do you want to focus on work?
• Do you want to focus on others?
• Do you want to focus on yourself?
• Do you want to find balance of all of these things?

What is it for you?  Only you know.

Don’t buy into someone else telling you what you need to do, or be, or buy for the holidays.  

Don’t buy into someone guilting you or making you feel bad about yourself.

Don’t go expecting others to give a shit about what incredible things you are doing for THEM.

They don’t care.

Sorry to deliver such a harsh truth, but every single one of us is thinking the same thing, “what about me?”  They want you to do what you do for them. Just like you want them to acknowledge you, for you.

Here’s the good news.  If we are all just 2 year olds running around screaming, “Take care of me, pay attention to me!!!” then we have the ability to take care of ourselves in exactly the way we need to be taken care of.  Just listen to the 2-year-old inside.

#2 Talk kindly to yourself

Then, give yourself a break.  

Talk kindly to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up.  Don’t criticize yourself and judge yourself.

You’re doing the best you can.

And if you just thought, “no I’m not, I can do better.” I would like to politely ask that part of your brain if it could just be nice for a while and if not, please stop sharing.

Because, the holidays are tough.  Everyone is feeling it. I’ve been asking around.  I promise you’re not the only one. Although everyone else is acting like they’re having a great time, many of them are hating it too.

#3 Center

But, let’s get back to center.

Let’s get back to love

Let’s get back to the purpose of the holidays.

To love.  To share. To create magical moments.

I’m going to be giving gifts for the 12 days of Christmas, every day leading up through December 24 in my FB group, beautifully authentic to get us all peacefully through the holidays.  

Each day, join me to get back a piece of yourself for the holidays. Let this be your gift for YOU! The investment price is only your time, and your willingness to take a few moments for yourself!  If you are interested in joining the CREATING PEACE THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS CHALLENGE be sure to join the group.

You can start now by watching this short 5 minute clip on how, exactly, to create your best holiday yet!  Do this every day until the holidays are over, or join the group and try a new one every day.

You can join Beautifully Authentic Facebook group HERE for 12 Days of Holiday Challenge where you can create peace, love and harmony and happiness for yourself and your family. 

READ MORE FROM ME

Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance.  I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement.  I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years.  If you liked this article, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:

• Watch my YouTube Channel: Heather Hundhausen
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• Join my private FB group: Beautifully Authentic
• Breakthrough: If you are struggling with the issues from this article, please schedule a free consultation.

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