Understanding the Influence of Expectations in Relationships
Expectations are premeditated resentments. Read that again. Expectations are premeditated resentments.
The Influence of Beliefs on Expectations
Expectations in relationships are often shaped by our belief system, which develops through repeated thoughts that solidify into concrete convictions.
If you were raised in a family where everyone drops everything to take care of the hurt, sick, injured, or victimized person, you’ll come to believe that rushing to help the injured is the right thing to do.
On the other hand, if you were raised in a family that says, “suck it up, buttercup” when someone is hurt or acting like a victim, you’ll develop the belief that people should handle their own problems.
If you were rewarded as a child for running and helping others, it’s likely that you’ll have the inclination to do the same as an adult. However, if you were shunned or shamed for seeking attention and help, you may suppress your own needs, considering it wrong to ask for or offer assistance when someone is hurt.
The Impact of Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships
Now, imagine two adults, each shaped by their beliefs from childhood, entering into a relationship.
What happens when one of them gets hurt, sick, or acts like a victim?
The other person will likely exhibit behaviors opposite to the expectations of the injured individual. This conflicting response based on their beliefs leads to conflicts in the relationship.
For example, if the person who gets hurt expects their partner to come running because they were raised with immediate support, but the partner believes in the “suck it up” approach, conflict arises.
Identifying Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships
So, what makes an expectation unrealistic?
It’s anything you expect someone to do without communicating it to them directly. If you haven’t expressed your expectation through conversation, writing, or clear communication, how can they possibly know?
Additionally, knowing whether the other person has agreed to your beliefs is crucial.
If your partner usually adopts the “suck it up” mindset while you prefer support, unless you have a conversation where you express your beliefs and needs, they won’t know how to respond. By making agreements based on mutual understanding, expecting support becomes realistic.
Expectations are premeditated resentments. Read that again. Expectations are premeditated resentments.
The Influence of Beliefs on Expectations
Expectations in relationships are often shaped by our belief system, which develops through repeated thoughts that solidify into concrete convictions.
If you were raised in a family where everyone drops everything to take care of the hurt, sick, injured, or victimized person, you’ll come to believe that rushing to help the injured is the right thing to do.
On the other hand, if you were raised in a family that says, “suck it up, buttercup” when someone is hurt or acting like a victim, you’ll develop the belief that people should handle their own problems.
If you were rewarded as a child for running and helping others, it’s likely that you’ll have the inclination to do the same as an adult. However, if you were shunned or shamed for seeking attention and help, you may suppress your own needs, considering it wrong to ask for or offer assistance when someone is hurt.
The Impact of Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships
Now, imagine two adults, each shaped by their beliefs from childhood, entering into a relationship.
What happens when one of them gets hurt, sick, or acts like a victim?
The other person will likely exhibit behaviors opposite to the expectations of the injured individual. This conflicting response based on their beliefs leads to conflicts in the relationship.
For example, if the person who gets hurt expects their partner to come running because they were raised with immediate support, but the partner believes in the “suck it up” approach, conflict arises.
Identifying Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships
So, what makes an expectation unrealistic?
It’s anything you expect someone to do without communicating it to them directly. If you haven’t expressed your expectation through conversation, writing, or clear communication, how can they possibly know?
Additionally, knowing whether the other person has agreed to your beliefs is crucial.
If your partner usually adopts the “suck it up” mindset while you prefer support, unless you have a conversation where you express your beliefs and needs, they won’t know how to respond. By making agreements based on mutual understanding, expecting support becomes realistic.
Fostering Healthy Relationships
So, how do you identify Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships?
The first step is recognizing that you’re operating from your own beliefs. Holding onto the belief that “you’re right” creates unrealistic expectations as it imposes your perspective onto others.
Any expectation that hasn’t been communicated, either verbally or in writing, is unrealistic. Without mutual agreement, assuming specific behavior from your partner is unfair.
It’s important to acknowledge that others may have different beliefs shaped by their own experiences. Cultivating empathy and open-mindedness allows for understanding and collaboration to meet each other’s needs.
In Conclusion
Understanding the influence of expectations in relationships is essential for nurturing strong and harmonious connections. By exploring the influence of beliefs, prioritizing clear communication, and fostering empathy, we can build stronger and more harmonious connections.
Fostering Healthy Relationships
So, how do you identify Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships?
The first step is recognizing that you’re operating from your own beliefs. Holding onto the belief that “you’re right” creates unrealistic expectations as it imposes your perspective onto others.
Any expectation that hasn’t been communicated, either verbally or in writing, is unrealistic. Without mutual agreement, assuming specific behavior from your partner is unfair.
It’s important to acknowledge that others may have different beliefs shaped by their own experiences. Cultivating empathy and open-mindedness allows for understanding and collaboration to meet each other’s needs.
In Conclusion
Understanding the influence of expectations in relationships is essential for nurturing strong and harmonious connections. By exploring the influence of beliefs, prioritizing clear communication, and fostering empathy, we can build stronger and more harmonious connections.
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Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance. I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement. I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years. If you liked this article, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:
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Heather Hundhausen, a mind/body/spirit healer and facilitator, works with heart centered individuals who are ready to release their physical and emotional pain and reconnect their minds with their bodies so they can start living a life of passion and purpose. She assists people in making decisions in their lives by following their heart, mind, intuition and soul, from a place of being whole and in integrity.
With over fifteen years as a licensed massage therapist, Heather understands the connection between how someone's emotions can show up as physical pain. Using a variety of massage techniques, including neuromuscular therapy and structural realignment, she now does her ground breaking work by helping her clients to reach back through the pain and remember who they are to create wholeness and fullness.
During her years practicing traditional massage therapy, and while an intern working on her Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, she realized that people responded strongly when addressing their feelings and not just their thoughts. Working with this knowledge, she began to create an experiential environment for her clients, having them focus less on what they were thinking and more on what they were feeling. She discovered that when people began to release their emotions, they also released their physical pain. Heather is now passionate about helping people do just this so they hear their inner voice and then act upon their intuition so they create a new physical, mental and emotional life for themselves.
Heather’s authenticity, integrity, honor, commitment to her clients, and ability to create trust ensures that client's have a safe space to experience the exploration and release of their pain. Her clients say she is skilled at spiritual and emotional healing and is a great partner to have on the journey to contentment. As one particular client stated, “She opened my heart so the grief could emerge and then joy was able to fill that space.”
Heather is a popular speaker and workshop leader and facilitator, with one of her most popular workshops, “Connect on Purpose: Interpreting Your Body's Signals for Greater Wisdom and Empowerment” helping guide people to live their purpose, which Heather describes as “being able to take your talents and gifts and put them into action.” She is currently authoring a book and developing additional workshops, including a meditation group.
A licensed massage therapist, specializing in Thai Massage, Neuromuscular Therapy and Myo-skeletal Alignment Technique, she has a Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, is certified in Redirecting Children’s Behavior as a facilitator and coach.
