I know this really beautiful woman. She has a couple of really gorgeous kids. But she feels like she’s in prison. She has this amazing man who provides so much for her. Everyone thinks he’s amazing. Everyone thinks he’s a great guy. Everyone is always commenting about how hard he works and how much he provides. Sometimes she thinks he’s a great guy, but she can’t get him to look at her. She feels like she’s invisible when she’s standing right in front of him.
Are You Feeling Invisible in Your Relationship?
He has no idea she feels invisible. Even though she’s tried to explain it time and time again, all he hears is her complaining. He tries to fix it, he tries to give her more, he tries to work harder… But it just seems like it’s never enough for her.
She Needs Help, He Has Work
She feels like she’s raising these kids on her own even though he’s in the house with her. She tries to tell him that she needs help, but he replies that he’s working so hard and he’s so tired, he doesn’t have time to help.
So the parenting all lands on her, and she’s exhausted.
She’s Losing Herself
She’s forgotten who she is.
She just knows that she’s supposed to be a good mother. That she is supposed to be a good wife. And she sucks it up and continues on with her duties.
Secretly crying herself to sleep at night, her heart completely breaking in the process. She's losing herself. Click To TweetEvery once in awhile their complete lack of understanding and compassion for each other ends up in a horrible fight. With name-calling, mudslinging, and bringing things up from the past that has nothing to do with the present.
All She Wants is to Be Seen and Loved xoxo
Neither one of them can forgive each other for the things that have happened. She can’t forgive him for cheating on her. He can’t forgive himself for cheating on her.
All she wants is for him to love her. All she wants is for him to see her.
She could care less about the other woman, or even the other women, and the lies, the deceit.
All she wants is for him to see her. She wants to be his one and only. She wants to be able to express herself completely in front of him, and have him say, “oh my God you are so beautiful oh, I am so glad you’re mine!”
She wants him to see her glory, and her beauty, and her strangeness and her weirdness... Click To TweetBut she feels like when he does he just thinks she’s strange and weird, and she feels dejected because she thinks he will choose someone else better than and more normal than her.
He thinks she is incredible …
This is because she feels so insecure inside. She never got to see what a loving relationship looks like. She tucks her power away because she’s afraid that it will terrify him. It terrifies her.
He thinks she is incredible.
He wants to give her everything. But he doesn’t know how to get close to her. It doesn’t matter what he says it’s always the wrong thing, so he learns to just stop talking. He wants to give her the world but he just can’t get close to her, so he works harder to try to provide her with more because it’s the least he can do. He feels like he’s not enough, he feels like he can’t do enough for her or give her enough. He feels like he can’t make her happy, and this shuts him down.
… and shuts down.
When he shuts down, she doesn’t trust him anymore. When she doesn’t trust him anymore she cannot open to him anymore. When she cannot trust him or open to him, she can’t let him see her, because it just hurts too much to think that she’ll be rejected.
He loves that she’s a fighter. He thinks she’s the most beautiful woman on Earth. He wouldn’t have chosen her to have children with her if he didn’t think so. But she doesn’t want to take him anymore, so he has to find someone or something that can fill the void. It destroys him inside because she is still the most beautiful creature on earth to him. But he can’t figure out how to get close to her without hurting her. He figures his best bet is to just stay far away from her and let her be free.
Because freedom is what he wants. Click To TweetShe wants him to adore her. She wants him to claim her. And because he doesn’t, she grips at him and clings to him and nags at him.
He never does what she wants and it drives her insane. She does everything he wants. She does everything the kids want. And she completely sacrifices herself for all of them. And he doesn’t see it.
He is just trying to make her happy, he’s trying to plan and organize all of the ways he can make her happy, but everything he tries to do fails and she just gets upset and pushes him further away. But she continues to nag at him and tell him how terrible he is, he just can’t take it. He needs to find someone who can appreciate him. He feels so underappreciated. He feels so disrespected.
Have you met this couple?
I have met them countless times in countless bodies and countless relationships.
This is “every man” and “every woman.”
It does not have to be like this.
Imagine this:
- You wake up every morning and kiss each other.
- You fall asleep each night in each other’s arms.
- You spend at least 30 minutes a day talking, maybe on your nightly walk, maybe laying in bed.
- Perhaps you say nothing and just look into each other’s eyes and see each other’s hearts.
She is allowed to be her weird, strange, naked, singing, laughing, ridiculous self, and he enjoys it and even gets turned on by it! He is allowed complete freedom to go where he wants, when he wants and spend his money how he wants. He isn’t bound by her schedule or rules. She doesn’t have to cater to his every need and whim. When he does things for her, he does them because he wants to provide for her and make her happy. She has clearly communicated to him what she needs and wants without any expectations. She lets him know what she needs to be done, by when, and that if he cannot handle it, together they will pay for someone else to do it. If she cannot clean the house, she hires someone to do it.
They talk about what is important. They share how they are feeling.
They make sure to understand each other’s childhood wounds so that they don’t ever purposefully hurt each other. They don’t ever purposefully hurt each other, ever. Sometimes there are hard things to say, sometimes they raise their voices because they’re not perfect, but they quickly work it out and makeup by listening and sharing.
Mike Nix and I work at this every day with a hundred percent commitment. I focus very hard on making sure that he feels respected and appreciated & free. And he works very hard to make sure that I feel seen, loved and adored. It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely better than the first story. And neither one of us is willing to live that story again.
How about you? Which story are you living?
If you’re ready to learn how to have a relationship where you feel valued, understood and seen, please click here for a breakthrough session.
READ MORE FROM ME
Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance. I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement. I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years. If you liked this article, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:
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Heather Hundhausen, a mind/body/spirit healer and facilitator, works with heart centered individuals who are ready to release their physical and emotional pain and reconnect their minds with their bodies so they can start living a life of passion and purpose. She assists people in making decisions in their lives by following their heart, mind, intuition and soul, from a place of being whole and in integrity.
With over fifteen years as a licensed massage therapist, Heather understands the connection between how someone's emotions can show up as physical pain. Using a variety of massage techniques, including neuromuscular therapy and structural realignment, she now does her ground breaking work by helping her clients to reach back through the pain and remember who they are to create wholeness and fullness.
During her years practicing traditional massage therapy, and while an intern working on her Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, she realized that people responded strongly when addressing their feelings and not just their thoughts. Working with this knowledge, she began to create an experiential environment for her clients, having them focus less on what they were thinking and more on what they were feeling. She discovered that when people began to release their emotions, they also released their physical pain. Heather is now passionate about helping people do just this so they hear their inner voice and then act upon their intuition so they create a new physical, mental and emotional life for themselves.
Heather’s authenticity, integrity, honor, commitment to her clients, and ability to create trust ensures that client's have a safe space to experience the exploration and release of their pain. Her clients say she is skilled at spiritual and emotional healing and is a great partner to have on the journey to contentment. As one particular client stated, “She opened my heart so the grief could emerge and then joy was able to fill that space.”
Heather is a popular speaker and workshop leader and facilitator, with one of her most popular workshops, “Connect on Purpose: Interpreting Your Body's Signals for Greater Wisdom and Empowerment” helping guide people to live their purpose, which Heather describes as “being able to take your talents and gifts and put them into action.” She is currently authoring a book and developing additional workshops, including a meditation group.
A licensed massage therapist, specializing in Thai Massage, Neuromuscular Therapy and Myo-skeletal Alignment Technique, she has a Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, is certified in Redirecting Children’s Behavior as a facilitator and coach.
