Do you want to learn how to be happy? The first thing is coming out of denial. Finding greater love for myself created a lot of clarity. That’s the trouble with personal work and coming out of denial.
How to Be Happy and Not Going for the Status Quo
Sometimes we uncover things about ourselves that really disturb the status quo. And the people who’s status quo we’ve been enrolled or duped into believing is the “state” in which we should also be living.
Is it possible to learn how to be happy when all you focus on is living the status quo?
People in Abusive Relationships
People in abusive relationships start believing that they deserve the abuse. Think about movies with abusive relationships, like Sleeping with the Enemy.
Adults from families whose parents used whipping and beating will say things like, “oh, but I deserved it.” (No child deserves a beating. They just need to be taught).
If I take care of myself... That might mess things up for the people I've been so diligently taking care of... Click To TweetI know quite a lot of people who are very afraid of doing the personal work they know they need to do to grow their spirit, because if they dared to step into that realm, they would really disturb WHAT THEY KNOW and the “happiness” of those around them.
I was settled. “Happily” settled, I told myself. Just like I was convinced I had a “happy” childhood. (My parents will still argue that we did).
What is “Happiness”?
But what is happiness?
What is settled?
And what happens when you actually chase these questions?
In many religions or cultures, we are warned to not chase happiness. It’s not a real thing. Once you “attain your goal,” you’ll want a new goal. The human spirit gets bored, even when it gets what it “wanted” so badly!
The Difference Between Settling and Going with the Flow
But… There’s a difference between settling and going with the flow.
I’m learning that if I AM already happy… I don’t NEED anything to “make” me happy.
This is different from ACTING happy to get through life: I have done that crap too and that’s a mask. It’s an act. It’s a persona. It’s not actually happy.
My partners can see it. One would always say, “stop wrapping yourself up like a f#*king present with a perfect little bow,” and the other would just incessantly ask me, “what’s the matter?” And I would just say, “nothing! I’m fine!” (I truly had no idea that acting happy wasn’t being happy).
But I wasn’t fine. And they both knew it.
Don’t Worry Be Happy
You can’t ACT happy.
You can BE happy. And BEING happy (or free, or fulfilled, or important, or alive, or whatever else you want to feel) is a choice.
(Side note, people who struggle with chemical imbalances, like depression, have a much harder time “choosing” happy and actually need to learn very specific tools to switch their chemistry before they’re going to be able to choose any emotion).
It’s a choice. You actually CREATE it. Well… I have actually learned to create it. Moment to moment.
And this was when I realized my life didn’t align with actual joy and happiness. Because, when I feel joy, aliveness, happiness, light, fun and free… And “you” (someone else in my space) don’t, I can REALLY feel the contrast!
How to Be Happy When You Feel Heavy
But if I feel heavy, sad, unfulfilled and WANTING for a different life, and you do too, we match each other! And it’s a perfect fit!
Feeling Bad About “Life”
Now imagine. If we both “feel bad” about life together, not only is it the habitual status quo that everyone is very comfortable and used to… But we actually have something in common we can relate to! So, if I go do some personal work, things might really change, and that might really affect us!
I see this all the time! A client will come in and we will finally get her to realize she gets to take care of herself and how important it is… And she will look at me like a deer in the headlights! How do I do that!? My kids and husband will starve and die without me!?
No, they won’t. And yes, they aren’t going to like it. Yes, you’ve been avoiding conflict for a long time to keep the status quo and everyone “happy.”
No One is Actually “Happy”
But no one is actually happy.
Even this post is a threat for many people.
Just the thought of taking care of ourselves can threaten the status quo if we are doing all of the caretaking. (And let me tell you, caretaking is draining when you’re gas tank is on low…)
Listen I get it. We aren’t all willing to leave our lying, deceitful, betraying husband to figure out what our purpose is. To not spend any extra money on our material goods in order to spend every dollar we have on personal development so that we can find out what our purpose and passion is.
How to Be Happy: Find Out What Makes YOU Happier
- So that we can find out what gives us pleasure.
- So we can find out what gives us joy.
- So we can find out how to say no to people we want to say no to the things we want to say yes to!
- So that we can start a business of our own or a job that we love and actually start thriving and feeling successful and happy learning about relationship and how to do them in a way that actually feels good for everyone.
Learning that there’s actually nothing at all wrong with me! Or you! And that some people are more compatible than others. And you don’t have to shove yourself into someone else’s box and try to pretend that you’re happy just to hold the status quo!
Are You Willing to Let Go Your Unfulfilled Life and Your Status Quo?
I get it! But I wasn’t willing to live an unfulfilled life. God has grabbed me and is pulling me to fulfill so many missions, I could not deny that the life I was living was not going to serve my purpose. And I couldn’t live with that any longer. Every time I have left a relationship, changed a job or career, started a new business, moved, or anything else that I have done it was to expand and grow as much as I possibly can. Not everyone understands that. Not everyone is willing to upset the other people in their life in order to have what they want. Some people might say I’m selfish. Some people might say I’m brave. Maybe I hurt some people? Maybe I’ve healed, loved, and helped these people? I don’t know. Its all open to interpretation by them.
What I’ve learned is it doesn’t matter what other people think. What matters is what I think and how I live in my life and whether or not that’s in peace or not.
- Is it worth it to upset the status quo for peace?
- Is it worth it to upset the status quo for growth?
- Is it worth it to upset the status quo for God?
If you’re living in the status quo is anything worth it to you to change? Are you happy just staying in denial like I was? Or do you think you might be willing to take that first step out of the MISERABLE “comfortable” life and into a very treacherous, dangerous, life disturbing realm of ACTUALLY feeling good, joy, free, fun, play, abundance, and love?
READ MORE FROM ME
Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance. I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement. I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years. If you liked this article, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:
- Watch my YouTube Channel: Heather Hundhausen
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- Join my private FB group: Beautifully Authentic
- Breakthrough: If you are struggling with the issues from this article, please schedule a free consultation.
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Heather Hundhausen, a mind/body/spirit healer and facilitator, works with heart centered individuals who are ready to release their physical and emotional pain and reconnect their minds with their bodies so they can start living a life of passion and purpose. She assists people in making decisions in their lives by following their heart, mind, intuition and soul, from a place of being whole and in integrity.
With over fifteen years as a licensed massage therapist, Heather understands the connection between how someone's emotions can show up as physical pain. Using a variety of massage techniques, including neuromuscular therapy and structural realignment, she now does her ground breaking work by helping her clients to reach back through the pain and remember who they are to create wholeness and fullness.
During her years practicing traditional massage therapy, and while an intern working on her Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, she realized that people responded strongly when addressing their feelings and not just their thoughts. Working with this knowledge, she began to create an experiential environment for her clients, having them focus less on what they were thinking and more on what they were feeling. She discovered that when people began to release their emotions, they also released their physical pain. Heather is now passionate about helping people do just this so they hear their inner voice and then act upon their intuition so they create a new physical, mental and emotional life for themselves.
Heather’s authenticity, integrity, honor, commitment to her clients, and ability to create trust ensures that client's have a safe space to experience the exploration and release of their pain. Her clients say she is skilled at spiritual and emotional healing and is a great partner to have on the journey to contentment. As one particular client stated, “She opened my heart so the grief could emerge and then joy was able to fill that space.”
Heather is a popular speaker and workshop leader and facilitator, with one of her most popular workshops, “Connect on Purpose: Interpreting Your Body's Signals for Greater Wisdom and Empowerment” helping guide people to live their purpose, which Heather describes as “being able to take your talents and gifts and put them into action.” She is currently authoring a book and developing additional workshops, including a meditation group.
A licensed massage therapist, specializing in Thai Massage, Neuromuscular Therapy and Myo-skeletal Alignment Technique, she has a Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, is certified in Redirecting Children’s Behavior as a facilitator and coach.
