Do you have unrealistic expectations on holidays? I had. When I was first divorced … My heart would f-ing break into shreds on holidays. I made up so many stories, mostly about how I was either a terrible parent or about how I was totally f-ing up my kids. I have spent holidays where I’ve cried the entire day, sobbing, going through multiple boxes of tissues …
How to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations on Holidays as a Divorced Mom
The first Christmas without the kids was the worst. We shared many Christmases together with the boys after we were divorced, always putting the kids first … But I guess all of that changes when you add in the new relationships … We had relationships where people understood… But then … We didn’t. And that meant the kids don’t get their mommy on christmas… And mommy doesn’t get her kids…
And I’ll tell you… In that was tremendous pain, with unrealistic expectations, and suffering. Omg did it hurt beyond belief. To not have Christmas with my kids… Like a knife in the heart…
But what I realize today, as a very conscious creator, is that it’s all beautiful.
No Easter Eggs nor Christmas Tree for Me …
There were years where I just skipped making eggs. Years I skipped putting up a Christmas tree. I remember one year I was so depressed, someone gave me a leftover pity tree and bought me lights, and I started wrapping the lights around the tree, dropped the strand on accident, a couple of bulbs broke and I just cried & gave up. That tree stood there with the lights wrapped 1/4 of the way around it, with broken lights, never plugged in or decorated with family ornaments through the entire season …
I could beat myself up for that one if I wanted to… I make up you’re judging me right now saying “what kind of a mother are you?! Your kids are gonna be so fucked up.” That’s what I was thinking anyway.
But not today.
Co-Creating Happiness and Joy
I realized one year I can have whatever I need. I can co-create health and Easter and happiness and joy… and these aren’t unrealistic expectations. I can have it all!I do that by NOT being ATTACHED to what I THINK it SHOULD all be like! Click To Tweet
I decorated eggs with kids with a friend over. I asked them if they wanted to … They said no. I did it anyway. I bought white eggs (instead of the usual organic, free-range ones, which are usually brown) … I bought the decoration stuff … I boiled those eggs and I took all that crap outside and started decorating the eggs myself. Then one kid came. Then the next … Before you know it, they were having fun, being super creative and proud of their egg art.
And I’m proud I gave them that experience.
What Happens When Reality Meets Expectations?
This year I was going to do a 5-day vipassana over Easter. 5 days of silence. I asked the kids if it mattered that I would be gone for Easter. One said no. The other said it was important to see me on Easter. (They don’t understand why I cannot join them anymore … After we did that for so many years. I don’t really know how to explain this?)
So I actually worked it out with the workshop leader to leave on Easter day to see them for a few hours.
But then my x husband said he was going out of town all day Saturday and most of Sunday. I had already asked months earlier if he could watch them this weekend. He had said yes. But there was no school Friday. So they would basically be with no parents the entire Easter weekend.
This is. My. Life.
Now … I could do what I have done in the past and just feel mad about it … And maybe do what I want to do, or make him feel bad and try to get him to keep commitments or whatever other BS stories I was telling myself about it.
But I realized. No. This is my life. These are my kids. I want them to be with a parent for Easter weekend. This is mine to handle. So I canceled the trip and stayed home with them.
I went with the flow
I went with what showed up. My boyfriend ended up going out of town last minute too …
So … In the flow … Where did that leave me Easter night?
Action Beats Frustration
No problem. I called some friends, made some plans … but a friend who’s been taking care of a family member in the hospital finally said, “come over” … Flow … So I dropped my plans, again, and went with my heart.
I ended up seeing someone I’ve been longing to spend time with. We had a beautiful encounter. I’m so incredibly grateful. For the whole thing.
Then I got to have my kids almost the entire weekend. We went shopping with the money I would have spent on the retreat. I played basketball with Jack. We made Rice Crispy treats. We colored Easter eggs. We had Easter baskets (which I prepared a week ahead of time, as soon as my x said he was going out of town, I went and bought that crap and put all the candy in the eggs.) No more last minute prep for me. That’s too stressful.I am loving and taking care of myself and my family. I am creating. Click To Tweet
And when the evening was done… I had this beautiful salmon salad idea from earlier in the week that I bought when I thought I would be with friends…
Celebrating With Myself
So I went home and made a delicious Easter dinner for myself. Alone. And I loved it.
I didn’t cry this year. I consciously created what felt exactly right. And then the universe took over and made some shifts and I went with the flow and it all feels right. No tissues and tears this year (Except for a moment when I saw my friend in the hospital and I saw her soul flying free out of her body experiencing sheer bliss – her physical body doesn’t look like that – the tears were from feeling her joy … And I’m starting to be able to see more in the spirit world and its incredible!)
Amazing Dinner Alone
My dinner alone was amazing. My book is still pouring out of me. I received so much love from friends this weekend (one who spontaneously met me at the country bar, one who happened to bump into me at the hospital and spend all night chatting, fun with kids… )
How does it get any better than this?
You Attract What You Feel
I’m finally starting to stop holding onto unrealistic expectations and to really LIVE “you attract what you feel, think & do.”
It’s true. You get MORE of what you feel, think, and do.
What are you feeling… Thinking… Doing… ???
I’m feeling & experiencing blessings…
I am proud of myself for getting to this point where I can enjoy my holidays and feel good about myself WITHOUT being SAD that my unrealistic expectations are not met. Not only did I do a lot of personal development and growth to get here, but I have also learned through intensive training in my business about how to stay grounded and release expectations. I have been taught, and am practicing this art of work-life balance, and it is bringing me the peace and joy I knew I was capable of creating.
I’m not scared of holidays anymore. I used to see them as painful experiences, and I would fear them coming. But now, I don’t only know how to overcome them, but also I am able to look at the experience and grow from it.
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Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance. I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement. I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years. If you liked this article, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:
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