Are you wondering how to stop being controlling? When I am controlling, others get hurt. When I think I know the answer to something, and I try to solve it for you, not with you, I hurt you. When you tell me what to do and what to do next, I don’t get to learn, or be part of, or belong.
When You Control Me …
Photo by: Cristian Newman
When you control me with your “right” way of being, a part of me gets lost, a part of me feels not good enough, and a part of me feels unworthy.
When you don’t allow me to be PART of, part of your decision making process, part of your understanding, part of your thinking, then I feel apart, I feel left out, I feel I don’t belong, I don’t feel heard, I feel alone and abandoned.
When I Control You …
Photo by: Frankie Cordoba
When I control you, it comes from my own fear, shame and inadequacy, about not being enough, about not knowing how to do it, about failing.
When I feel the need to control the situation, it’s because I am operating out of my own scarcity conversation, that I have to get it right, to prove that I am enough, to prove that I am worth something, to prove that I have something worth offering.
How Surrender Feels for a Controller
What would surrender even look like for a controller?
The surrender is so scary, a complete loss of control. It feels like a death, a death of belonging. A separation, which is what the controller is trying to avoid the whole time they are controlling anyway.
Photo by: Daniel Jensen
Whether the controller is coming from love, or manipulation, if there is an aspect of control, of doing it right, of it being enough, of doing it so there’s no failure, then others end up getting hurt.
There is no control in team.
How to stop being controlling? Decide if you want to work as a team, or not. There cannot be control in team. If the team is to be successful, then everyone gets to put input in, and everyone gets to be heard, and everyone gets to make a decision together. No one person can solve the problem of the team.
Perhaps there is no problem. 
How to Stop Being Controlling: Start Having Faith and Letting Go
Just like one person cannot solve the problems of the world.
Perhaps there is no problem.
Perhaps it is all working just perfectly, going along, and having people calling out for solutions in their lives, producing results based on their true intention, so that they can learn what they are really about.
We realize that we call to us that which we are. And if we want something different, that we don’t have to control anything, we get to just be brave, and loving, and show up… starting with ourselves. That’s how to stop being controlling!
Look at the Garden …
Photo by: Giulia Bertelli
I looked out at the garden, and saw thriving green plants. And I saw one sad little plant, brown and shriveled. And I wanted to blame God. And ask the universe, why would some plants thrive, and be luscious and green and large and giving, and the other would be withered. And I realized that they would all die, eventually.
That nothing lives forever.
And I realized that some would have some more sun, and more water, and better minerals in the earth, in which they will thrive and grow.
And I realized that I am like the soil for the people in my life. As a woman, I am the nurturer; I am the soil. And if I am depleted, then I am growing withered, brown plants, that will die sooner than the others, and not produce good fruit.
Fill Yourself First!
Photo by: Gabriel Jimenez
I realized in that moment that I literally get to fill myself with minerals, I get to take vitamins, I get to rest, I get to exercise, I get to get my rich soil, sunshine and water, so I can thrive, so that others around me can thrive.
Controlling Others Isn’t the Way to Have What I Want in the World
Taking care of myself, and being the soil, the fertile ground for those around me to plant themselves in, is the way to have what I want in the world.
For me to BE abundant, and therefore, produce that which is abundant, in my team, in myself, in my children, in my business, and in the world around me.
READ MORE FROM ME
Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance. I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement. I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years. If you liked this article about how to get sex right now, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:
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- Breakthrough: Do you feel controlled? Do you control others and want to let go? If you want to stop controlling others or being controlled, reach out to me.
Heather Hundhausen, a mind/body/spirit healer and facilitator, works with heart centered individuals who are ready to release their physical and emotional pain and reconnect their minds with their bodies so they can start living a life of passion and purpose. She assists people in making decisions in their lives by following their heart, mind, intuition and soul, from a place of being whole and in integrity.
With over fifteen years as a licensed massage therapist, Heather understands the connection between how someone's emotions can show up as physical pain. Using a variety of massage techniques, including neuromuscular therapy and structural realignment, she now does her ground breaking work by helping her clients to reach back through the pain and remember who they are to create wholeness and fullness.
During her years practicing traditional massage therapy, and while an intern working on her Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, she realized that people responded strongly when addressing their feelings and not just their thoughts. Working with this knowledge, she began to create an experiential environment for her clients, having them focus less on what they were thinking and more on what they were feeling. She discovered that when people began to release their emotions, they also released their physical pain. Heather is now passionate about helping people do just this so they hear their inner voice and then act upon their intuition so they create a new physical, mental and emotional life for themselves.
Heather’s authenticity, integrity, honor, commitment to her clients, and ability to create trust ensures that client's have a safe space to experience the exploration and release of their pain. Her clients say she is skilled at spiritual and emotional healing and is a great partner to have on the journey to contentment. As one particular client stated, “She opened my heart so the grief could emerge and then joy was able to fill that space.”
Heather is a popular speaker and workshop leader and facilitator, with one of her most popular workshops, “Connect on Purpose: Interpreting Your Body's Signals for Greater Wisdom and Empowerment” helping guide people to live their purpose, which Heather describes as “being able to take your talents and gifts and put them into action.” She is currently authoring a book and developing additional workshops, including a meditation group.
A licensed massage therapist, specializing in Thai Massage, Neuromuscular Therapy and Myo-skeletal Alignment Technique, she has a Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, is certified in Redirecting Children’s Behavior as a facilitator and coach.
