Why No One Hears You: Mindfulness and Intention

Mindfulness is learning to shut up.  Our inner thoughts are talking to us all the time.  Our ego is trying to control our external environment (which, by the way, can’t be controlled).  We even do it to our loved ones, when we listen to the noise in our head, instead of listening to them.  Mindfulness is a huge part of work life balance, because BALANCE isn’t about marking off your checklist.  It’s about how you feel internally and create balance inside of yourself.

So many people feel like this, can you relate?

• Do you ever feel misunderstood?
• Do you get angry when someone doesn’t hear what you’re trying to say?
• Isn’t it frustrating when someone isn’t listening?

 

What does mindfulness have to do with not feeling heard? 

This blog will tell stories that you can relate to, about how people struggle to hear each other, and how we personally struggle to hear others, and don’t feel heard.  Learning the art of mindfulness brings peace to our work life balance, and helps us to be able to better communicate with those we love.

I remember when someone said this quote about mindfulness to me:

“You have 2 ears and one mouth for a reason.”

I thought, “Oh no, I talk all the time … maybe I need to start listening more? But listening isn’t fun?! I want to be heard and seen! How will I do that if I’m just listening and not talking!?”

Of course, those thoughts weren’t completely conscious at the time, but if I’m honest with myself looking back, it was something like that. I was pretty self-indulged. 

 

I was creating a lot of drama with a BIG victim story because I WANTED TO BE HEARD! Click To Tweet

If I had a big story, someone would hear me, right!? Isn’t a big story entertaining, exciting, enthralling, intriguing and captivating?

Yes! It is!

Well, I got really good at telling big stories so YOU would listen… whoever you are…

But then, I learned about the law of attraction.

Oh no…

Dramatic, victim stories are BAD NEWS in the law of attraction… because what you focus on expands… So guess what I got more and more of?!

That’s right! Drama! And more stories! Which makes for a larger audience, right?

Perhaps… since we are a culture of people fascinated with and entranced by drama and entertainment…

But was my LIFE working for ME?

No.

I was a victim. (A noisy one). And there was drama all around.

At some point, when I started to become more aware of my life, I realized that I was on a roller coaster… but that I was the one who kept choosing to get on!  Drama is like a roller coaster… it’s ups and downs and all around, it makes us thrilled and sick, lose your stomach, scared and it’s so much fun, until you’ve had too much and you must want to go home and find PEACE…

And, at some point, drama is like that too… you just start to crave peace.

Like, not fighting and having arguments all the time with the person you supposedly love the most in the world, but who triggers the fuck out of you.

Drama eventually wants peace. Click To Tweet

 

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Your INTENTION is creating all of it.

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I want to be Heard and Seen.

No one is listening

What if I scream?

Everyone looks

What if I’m funny?

People pay attention

But what if our intention changes to wanting peace?

Do you suppose your conversations would go differently?

 

The Power Of Intention

Sometimes, this is a very challenging concept for clients to grasp.

First of all, realizing you’re choosing a life of drama and conflict because you want to be seen and heard is hard. It’s new. It’s challenging.

But then, when I suggest that their INTENTION is what created their results, they get so angry and frustrated.

“My intention, most definitely, was NOT to hurt my son!”

“Well, why did you hit him/yell at him?” (whatever the client did)

“To make him respect me”

“Well, if there was a more peaceful, and equally effective way of handling the scene, would you choose it?”

(Some fight me here, I sometime have to push that there is such a thing as a peaceful, calm, non-violent resolution that is equally, if not more effective).

“Well, yes, if it was equally effective, I’d rather do my relationships or parenting without spanking/yelling.”

“Ok great, you get to start by changing your intention. If you want to be HEARD, ask yourself what your intention is? Is it to make the other person DO what you want (which is the intention of controlling them), are you trying to prove a point to them (which is a black and white intention of being right or needing to prove something), or is it to be in service to THEM? (Loving, peaceful intention)”

Here’s an example:

If my children are fighting, do I stomp into the room and throw my arms and raise my voice and tell them they’re horrible?  (If you’re a parent, you’ve probably done this. Kids can really push us to our limits, cant they!?) BUT, what is the intention?

To get the kids to stop fighting

What if you walked in slowly, quietly, and thought about how much you love them and what kinds of young people you are raising to be a contribution to the world?

Your intention would be love, kindness and contribution.  Mindfulness is that you might go in the room and just look at them lovingly. You might whisper that you love them so they have to stop fighting to hear you. You might do something silly to make them laugh. All of these would make them stop fighting. Isn’t that what you wanted?

Here’s another example

If your partner is being a harsh judge about how you’re spending money, sometimes our first reaction is to lash out and defend ourselves. Well, let’s be honest, it happens, more than sometimes…

If the intention is to defend myself and why I did what I did, am I listening?

Oops. Nope.

But I want my partner to listen to me?

I’m not modeling good listening there…

What if I change my intention to getting curious and being loving? Click To Tweet

Then I might say, “hmmm… You sound upset about the way I’m spending the money?  What meaning does it have for you? How is this important to you? Do you have suggestions or requests for me?”

Boy, that would be new! And very effective! You could find out why your partner is upset!

It’s not even about you! It’s about them!

We Are Meaning Making Machines

We don’t listen because we make everything about us. We are meaning making machines. Our little brains are running wild all day long … “don’t forget the laundry, oh oops, I forgot to take out the trash. Oh, the trash leaked, I need to wash the bucket. Oh, the kids left the towel on the floor, etc…”

Or even worse, they sound like this, “God I’m stupid, I must be retarded, how did I forget to bring the grocery list? I’m so dumb. I wish I could do things right. I bet everyone else has their shit together. Like that one woman on FB. What’s her name? Man, she’s got her shit together! Not me, I’m a bumbling mess…”

Sound familiar?

You might be wondering what the hell all of this has to do with BEING HEARD?

Well, here’s the answer…

That bumbling, unfocused, untrained, negative, drama-seeking, victim mindset that some of us have… Is what we operate out of when we SPEAK AND LISTEN.

You’re actually not hearing what the other person is saying.

I promise…

Here’s how I know. Give this a try. The next time someone talks to you, repeat what they said, word for word, and ask if you got it right.

Many, many times, you will have MISSED what they’re really trying to say.

Because you’re focused on what YOU are experiencing and what YOU THINK!

If you want to learn how to be HEARD, you first have to hear yourself. If you can learn to distinguish your true intention behind the words you are saying, everything will change.

When you communicate with LOVE, peace, kindness, and in service to the person you are with, there's a much better chance that you're going to be heard. Click To Tweet

Mindfulness is LISTENING twice as much as you talk. To gain the other person’s trust which will change their intention with you.

When someone trusts you, they’re willing to actually hear what you have to say! Pretty cool right!

So how do you learn to calm that wild, roller coaster mind?

Mindfulness and awareness!

Mindfulness means taking time to sit with yourself and witness yourself. How you are acting and reacting in the world. What you are thinking. Where the thoughts are coming from. Watching how you move through life.

Often, in mindfulness trainings, we learn to slow down first. We learn to listen to our breath, or really pay attention to what we are eating, or discover what we are truly feeling, or perhaps walking very slowly to feel what it’s like in our own bodies.

As we start taking time to learn more about mindfulness, we start to become aware of how we are moving, acting and reacting in the world.

We can also gain awareness through our results.

Want to know if you’re losing weight? Get on the scale!  That’s your result!

Want to know if you’re making and manifesting money? Take a good look at your bank account! There are your results!

Want to know how your relationships are with the people that matter most to you? Either look at them, or even more courageously, ask them how they feel about the relationship with curiosity and openness!  Again, results.

Your results will let you know how much you’re still participating in drama, victim, and negative thinking.

When you become MINDFUL and AWARE, everything starts to shift. Click To Tweet

Having the disciplined self care and self love to spend time with yourself everyday leads you to and helps to keep you on the path of mindfulness.

Take time to be with yourself. Taking time with yourself in a non judgmental, loving, kind way is profoundly loving, and heals so much pain.

If you want to learn more about mindfulness, how to effectively communicate, how to discover what your intentions are, how to listen without putting your own garbage in there, and how to speak to be heard, reach out to me, I’d be happy to support you!

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Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance.  I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement.  I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years.  If you liked this article about how to get sex right now, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:

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