Did you know that not setting boundaries in your life may affect the physical pain you experience? I had the opportunity to work with a BEAUTIFUL human being today with low back pain … Without saying too much about the client or the session … Lets just say that I learned some new *insights about the effects of not setting boundaries properly.” It’s hard to see a “victim” when someone is being so “manly” at “solving” other people’s problems. Read more about how setting boundaries may make your life pain free here.
How Not Setting Boundaries Not Only Challenges Your Mind But Your Body
I remember hearing relationship expert Alison Armstrong talk about how men don’t tell each other their business/ secrets because they (as men) understand that their purpose is to “solve problems.”
So, when you bring a man your business … You burden him (and men understand this). Women don’t do this with each other.
Women just share with the expectation of receiving understanding, empathy and emotional support. Click To Tweet(This doesn’t apply to everyone… This is just something I deeply and profoundly realized in my practice today and how it relates to “support,” particularly in the low back).
Putting Pressure on Your Back
When someone is burdened, they carry a weight. It puts “pressure” on their back.
So, a “good man” takes the weight, takes the burden, doesn’t complain. Culturally speaking.
How does he cope? Perhaps he tells white lies, cheats, hides, slips through cracks… Because all that burden is too heavy.
Feeling Like a Burden
Now imagine FEELING like a burden to others. Imagine a person born with an illness. Always needing to go to the doctor and be taken care of. This could be tiring for the parents and caretakers.
The person may internalize the feeling of being a burden to others and then become “independent.”
I know for me personally, this happened when I knew that was too much going on for my mother. I learned early how to take care of myself (my sister, and sometimes my mom and dad emotionally too). I felt like I was a burden. I was too much for them to carry. So… I learned to carry not only my own load, but others too. My mentality was “F you guys, I got this.” Because I didn’t want to burden others, I instead chose to do it MY way, and do it perfectly. If I could do everything perfectly, other’s wouldn’t complain about me being too burdensome.
The Relationship of Not Setting Boundaries and Co-Dependency
This is co-dependence.
I feel good carrying YOUR burden to make myself less of a burden. Click To TweetI’ll take yours and mine.
And then my back or shoulders will go out. (Lack of support, weight of the world, etc).
This is especially challenging particularly for men… Because god forbid they break down and be WEAK! Oh, the horror. Our society doesn’t stand for men to be weak.
So… setting boundaries becomes a challenge. If I say NO… It means either:
- I’m not strong enough to support you OR
- You’re a burden to me (which I cannot allow because I know how it feels to be a burden and I refuse to “hurt” someone I “love”).
So how could I possibly say no? So… I don’t.
… and your body breaks down.
And the only way I can say no is to have my body break down. If my back hurts… I cannot support you. I just physically cannot. (Thank you body. Now I don’t have to tell people “no”).
Start Setting Boundaries Today!
Setting boundaries is always a challenge. But this adds a new dimension I hadn’t considered before.
Body pain is incredible. And there is nothing more profound that I have seen than a person who finds the emotional pain and begins to release it in order to release physical pain. So incredible.
How are you unwilling to say “NO?” Where are you lacking boundaries? What are you holding?
READ MORE FROM ME
Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance. I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement. I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years. If you liked this article, and you want to read more, please visit one of the links below:
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Heather Hundhausen, a mind/body/spirit healer and facilitator, works with heart centered individuals who are ready to release their physical and emotional pain and reconnect their minds with their bodies so they can start living a life of passion and purpose. She assists people in making decisions in their lives by following their heart, mind, intuition and soul, from a place of being whole and in integrity.
With over fifteen years as a licensed massage therapist, Heather understands the connection between how someone's emotions can show up as physical pain. Using a variety of massage techniques, including neuromuscular therapy and structural realignment, she now does her ground breaking work by helping her clients to reach back through the pain and remember who they are to create wholeness and fullness.
During her years practicing traditional massage therapy, and while an intern working on her Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, she realized that people responded strongly when addressing their feelings and not just their thoughts. Working with this knowledge, she began to create an experiential environment for her clients, having them focus less on what they were thinking and more on what they were feeling. She discovered that when people began to release their emotions, they also released their physical pain. Heather is now passionate about helping people do just this so they hear their inner voice and then act upon their intuition so they create a new physical, mental and emotional life for themselves.
Heather’s authenticity, integrity, honor, commitment to her clients, and ability to create trust ensures that client's have a safe space to experience the exploration and release of their pain. Her clients say she is skilled at spiritual and emotional healing and is a great partner to have on the journey to contentment. As one particular client stated, “She opened my heart so the grief could emerge and then joy was able to fill that space.”
Heather is a popular speaker and workshop leader and facilitator, with one of her most popular workshops, “Connect on Purpose: Interpreting Your Body's Signals for Greater Wisdom and Empowerment” helping guide people to live their purpose, which Heather describes as “being able to take your talents and gifts and put them into action.” She is currently authoring a book and developing additional workshops, including a meditation group.
A licensed massage therapist, specializing in Thai Massage, Neuromuscular Therapy and Myo-skeletal Alignment Technique, she has a Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, is certified in Redirecting Children’s Behavior as a facilitator and coach.
