Somato Emotional Release Day 2: C Section or Natural Birth – Releasing Past Sorrow and Grief

Day Two of Somato Emotional Release: Negative Emotions Created from C Section or Natural Birth

Again, I started face up on the table with two therapists the same way as I started my Somato Emotional Release on day 1. The intention of the day was to release the face and jaw, not thinking about c section or natural birth and what not having my boys in a natural way meant for my soul and spirit. Again we weren’t talking through anything, we were just experiencing.

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My Nasal Bone Wouldn’t Release …

The two therapists I had were funny and lighthearted. It was easy to trust them. I could tell they both had many years of experience. (Come to find out later, they had over 20 years of experience between them, and one of them had written a book that the Upledger Institute published!)

As one therapist is working on releasing my nasal bone, the other therapist has her arm straight down my mid-line from the chest and heart area with her hand and palm all the way down to my pubic symphysis, which is the place where the two bones of the hips connect in the front.

My nasal bone would not release.

Giving “Birth” on the Treatment Table: The Emotional Difference for a Mother between Having a C Section or Natural Birth

It didn’t seem to matter what she did, it was not going to release. 

My head was turning, and moving, and she just held on to that bone. Interesting part was that the pubic bones seem to be directly correlated with what was happening with the nasal bones. 

And as you read in my other Somato Emotional Release blog posts, my body had been preparing itself for something, but I didn’t know what it was… Well… it was coming!

Our Body Parts are Connected Holistically

So here I am on Day 2, my nasal bone won’t release, my pubic bones seem to be intimately connected with my nasal bone, and the three of us keep teasing that it’s almost like the whole thing is connected!! 

Hahaha, of course it is.  (I actually found out later that there is an acupuncture meridian that goes straight from the nasal bone down through the pubic bone!) 

Before you know it, my knees pull up into my chest again.

I kind of moan and grunt and say something like, “man, it feels like I’m going to have a baby…”  But that’s all that happened.

Then My Legs Laid Back down on the Table

But the therapists knew there was more coming, the only one who didn’t know it was me!  (It’s unbelievable how strong denial can be.  My pea brain is watching all of this thinking, what are they doing… that’s it, I’m done.)  

Yeah right little brain…

You have no idea.

Four Teaching Assistants Later …

Before you know it, two more teaching assistants are in our pod, and everyone’s pushing and pulling and all these strange things are happening and I don’t remember very well what was happening at this point.

My legs pulled up into my chest again, and I made the fists, and I started to get the sensation that something really powerful was going to happen.

I kept sort of grunting and moaning, but didn’t know what was happening.

Going Into “Labor”

If you’re guessing that I’m about to have a baby, you’re right!

They all seem to know that, but somehow I didn’t.

The main instructor then comes over and puts his hands on my belly very deeply. It was very uncomfortable mostly because he was a man, and there was something about him being a man that I really didn’t like. (Which makes no sense because he’s my personal cranio sacral therapist and I love him).

And the Process is Over!

After the process was over, someone mentioned that maybe my OBGYN was a man.

I actually said, “no, there were three midwives and then my next OBGYN was a woman” …

But I’ll get back to this part of the story in just a moment.

Somehow when the man therapist put his hands on my belly, that was the trigger, and my body decided to have a baby right there in the middle of that treatment room.

C Section or Natural Birth: In the Past I Had No Power Over What Happened to Me and My Body During Giving Birth

32 Hours of Labor to Give Birth to Gabriel

You see Gabriel, my first son, was a 32 hour labor, 20 of which was very intense natural labor in a midwife home.

Some of it was a water birth, all of those 20 hours was with no medication.

When we got to the 20th our the Midwife said I’m taking you to the hospital because you’re not progressing and you and the baby are going to die.

I said something like f*** you, and my husband at the time said something along the lines of, “get in the damn car we’re going to the hospital.”

I had no say in having a c section or natural birth.

I spent six more hours on epidural, and then 4 hours pushing, at which point a strange man I’ve never met before came in and said he was going to cut my baby out of me.

I was completely and totally against this, but somehow at this point as a woman you’ve lost all of your rights and doctors just take over.

So he cut my baby out of my belly with a cesarean section, of which I was not in favor.

Then the Second Birth as VBAC

My second son was a VBAC, vaginal birth after cesarean, but he was taken out with a vacuum, which ripped my vagina into a thousand pieces.  No fun.

As you can see both of my birthing experiences were horrible, and when it was all said and done, I said to my husband at the time, “that’s it, I’m never having any more babies.”

Somato Emotional Release through Giving Birth a Third Time

After the “baby” was born at the Upledger Institute in the training room, the way god originally intended, I felt this warmth spread through my chest and heart.

I could “give birth” to a baby naturally! Finally! No question if I have a c section or natural birth. I was giggling and laughing through the tears of the pushing…

It Was the Most Miraculous Feeling Ever

It was the most miraculous feeling, that I didn’t get to feel when Gabe was taken through cesarean section.

All I wanted was my baby.

I kept thinking, where’s my baby? Where’s my baby? Someone bring me my baby?!

But no one did.

There was no baby. This wasn’t real.

The love and warmth was real, the desire to hold my baby was real… but suddenly, I realized… I never got this feeling when he was born. 

I got to lay in a recovery room without him for an hour or 2, while he cried for his mama and milk…

And I cried harder than I think I’ve ever cried. I cried so hard I thought my guts would come out. 

Photo source: Pexels.com

My baby and I didn’t get to bond.

I didn’t get the dump of love hormones, and he didn’t get to rest on my chest.

And then, I realized, the second baby, was taken with this suction and then immediately taken away to the NICU with respiratory distress… and I remembered asking for him after that birth.

I remember the bliss and euphoria… but still, no baby to bond with during that amazing heart opening experience.

And I cried some more.

Releasing Negative Emotions to Make Space for Joy

And grief and sorrow deeper than I’ve ever known about choosing a c section or natural birth welled up inside of me as I realized what I missed with those babies.

It felt like they were stolen.

And, my instructor said today… “experiencing sorrow and grief, truly, is one of the most majestic and amazing human experiences. Why would anyone ever want to take that away from anyone?”

And it’s true.

There’s relief in my body now.

Feeling Deeply is a Gift

I cried 20 more times after the session and into the next day, trying to logically resolve and make sense of it all. But my muscular tissue was sad, full of grief, longing, and anger… and that needed to come out and be expressed.

It’s a beautiful thing to allow myself to feel so deeply.

I believe our culture tries to shut us off… and then, we have stored, repressed pain.

If someone had asked if I had grief or sorrow about my deliveries, I would’ve said, “No. They were traumatic physically, not emotionally.”

Wow, I was so WRONG!

If someone had asked if I thought I might have an SER about my deliveries, I would’ve said, “no way. That’s not needed.”

I had NO IDEA that I was holding all of that emotional trauma.

Grateful for the Moment Given to Bond with My Children through the Somato Emotional Release

Today, I am so grateful to be able to hold and love my babies knowing that feeling of ecstasy and bliss, and even though we didn’t have it then, we have it now.

It’s never, ever too late to bond more deeply with your children!

There are cases of somatic emotional releases of women who are menopausal who never had children, where they experience pregnancy and delivery of a baby.

There are cases of women who have had abortions, and they get to experience their pregnancy and delivery. 

These are moments when DEEP healing takes place.

This work is so incredible.

The Inner Wisdom of the Patient Knows Exactly What’s Needed for Healing

All the cranial sacral therapist does is hold space for the client to heal.

This is absolutely the most beautiful, miraculous work I’ve ever been blessed to be a part of.

READ MORE FROM ME
Over the years, I have been a serial learner and practitioner, taking in information about psychology, religion, spirituality, science, medicine, quantum physics, relationships, parenting, and overall, general happiness and work-life balance.  I’ve been fascinated in what it takes to and have created my life of pure joy, happiness, balance and peace. It is my mission to spread what I have learned and practiced to you in ways that are simple, easy to understand AND implement.  I have served people in achieving realignment in their bodies, relationships and purpose for over 20 years. 

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